What's Up Ahead

New turning points and such are always scary. New places, new faces, new habits- all of that and more. 

I know that I can be a little down on myself sometimes, negative, even. 

But I believe that for the most part, the core of my soul is positive and pushes towards happiness. Even in the most abysmal of situations, I still hold a tiny flicker of light within me, the tiniest speck of hope. I'll be realistic, but I'll never let go of that tiny bit of faith that things will work out in the end. 

You know, I'm scared for what's ahead, for such big changes. I think of my future and I see a lot of rain and overcast days. I feel like I've to work through this storm of newness before I breakthrough to something much brighter on the other side. Even if the sunlight is but a single ray peeping out from the thundering clouds, I still see it. I still gravitate towards it.

No one is going to hold my hand anymore, no one is going to consistently be there whenever I need them. Everyone I love will be miles away, but this isn't necessarily a new statement I'm making. I've dealt with situations that draw the same taste. It's just that this one will be for much longer. 

I don't know if I'll return as easily into my familiarities at the end of it all. I don't know what's up ahead. But I do know that I have to be brave and I have to be ready for all of this. It'll be hard, it'll be scary and intimidating and I won't know where to go or what to do at times. I'll get lost, I'll feel alone, I'll get frustrated- all of this I know is inevitable. But I need to push through it and hold that same small candle of light in my heart that things WILL be okay in the end. And hey, if things aren't okay, then it's just not the end, right? Whatever will be, will be. I just need to keep my little light of hope well lit within me. 

I need to remember who I am, be proud of what I can do and what's within me. I'll keep my head high so then maybe, I'll be above the clouds. The little bit of hope shouldn't be the only thing I've to keep alive, but also the confidence I have in myself. I can't be afraid, I can't afford to be afraid. Maintain the same mentality that I always have when I'm running- you can't stop me, no one can fucking stop me. I'm stronger than I see myself to be sometimes. I just have to remind myself of that. I deserve this, I deserve success, I deserve happiness. (I hope.)

I don't know what my destiny has in store for me, and I'm shaking in my boots just thinking about the vastness of the future, but... you know what? 

I'm a big girl, I think I can handle myself.