Bulldozer

I've come to realize that I have a serious problem:
I am a control freak. I am an aggressive bulldozer.

I jump into things WAY TOO FAST, expect certain outcomes and become frustrated if they do not go accordingly or if I lose control of the situation. I come charging into things with my eyes dead set on the prize and nothing else. I like to think that I come off as difficult and worth fighting for, but I think I ACTUALLY come off as incessant and way too fucking demanding. I don't drop it until someone ACTUALLY tells me to. I keep going and I don't know how or when to stop until it's way too late. And then I turn around and asses every minute detail of what I've done to try to see where I went wrong.

WELL

I think all of the above is where I went wrong.
I need to learn to pump the goddamn brakes, I need to learn to still stay true to myself and go after things, but also to TAKE A FEW STEPS BACK AFTERWARDS. I need to act less on my impulses, to let things go and trust the nature of things. I need to not keep driving people away.

It's like I bulldoze people over and don't even give them time to respond and the only feeling they get from me is fear.

Fuck

I need to learn, I need to have control of MYSELF, not of the situation. I need to take things slow, I need to enjoy my own slice of life, I need to zoom out instead of all the fuck the way in. I need to change my mindset. I need to tone it down, I need to give myself space to breathe, I need totake it easy. And I need to start RIGHT fucking now.